Friday, September 20, 2013

*insert clever title here*

Well, it's Friday afternoon, which means I have reached my Maximum Level of Boredom Tolerance.  So, even though I don't have anything particularly profound to say, I thought I'd get my blog on and do another one of my useless but supposedly charming lists. 
The topic for today is:
                                                Things That Annoy/Delight Me
I'm kinda going for a ying/yang thing here; for every annoyance, I hope to provide a suitable delight.  I'm not real optimistic about being able to do this for every item, but here goes....
I am annoyed by the overwhelming trend of young girls (say, 14-25) to talk in this airheadish, nasally twang, with all of their sentences ending in an upward inflection.  It doesn't matter what region of the country they come from and maybe the media just goes out of its way to pick idiots for soundbites, but it seems to be an epidemic.  These young women could be candidates for the Noble Prize in Physics but when they open their mouths I assume they have the IQ of a Schnauzer.  (No offense to Schnauzers.)
I am delighted by the number of enlightened, intelligent young people going to/appreciating live theatre.  Let's make *this* an epidemic. 
I am annoyed by the absurd political polarization in this country.  I get the feeling I'm not alone in feeling this, and yet no one seems capable of doing anything about it.  The public opinion of Congress has been nosediving for years, it's become a national joke.  Except that we're all paying these assholes' salaries, which is not funny.  If you were paying someone to clean your house (This is one of my dreams, by the way.  I wish I had enough money to pay someone to clean my apartment every couple of weeks.  I bet those fucking Congressmen have people cleaning their houses....) and after a while, instead of cleaning your house, the CP (Cleaning Person) made your house messier, and never took responsibility for it, and kept blaming the cat, you would fire the cleaning person. I realize that government is much more complicated that house cleaning (not to me, housecleaning is advanced calculus to me) but maybe we could hire someone to make it less complicated and hateful.
I enjoy visiting our Nation's Capital because the buildings are pretty and my children live there and I love them.  Sorry, that's the best delight I could counter with.
I am annoyed that science hasn't made our lives all unicorns and rainbows by now.  Over 40 years ago we managed to put people on the moon and bring them back; proving something important, we haven't figured out what yet.  You can't even boast that the space program gave us Tang anymore, because who the fuck drinks Tang?  Anyroad, if we can do that, why are we still working crappy jobs for not enough money?  Where are the moving sidewalks and disposable clothes and flying cars I was promised in my youth? Why does time still move ten times slower on Friday afternoons?   How are we supposed to make it to the 24th Century where hot starship captains tell us there is no need for currency if it costs $300 to get an iPhone in the 21st Century?  Why is no one working on this???? 
I found the Apollo 13 movie with Tom Hanks delightful. 
Okay, this isn't going very well.  I apologize for the increasing rantiness of this blog.  I really do have many delightful times and find a bunch of things delightful, but I guess my delight biorhythms are pretty low on Friday afternoons.  I'll try again Saturday night at 12:30.  I'm usually pretty delightful by then.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Working Through It

So I have already posted this morning about having to deal with a bunch of attorneys who don't realize that "second floor" means "two".  Or how to get from the seventh floor to the second.  These are attorneys.  Not cats, ATTORNEYS. 
But the following is my favorite part of the morning. 
We have two Major Asshole Attorneys.  Neither of whom use voicemail.  If someone calls them and they aren't here, I have to take a message and email them.  Okay, maybe there's some legal reason for this, whatever, I do little enough at my job, I can handle that. 
One of the MAA's calls this morning.  I can tell it's him, because my phone screen tells me it is, but I pretend I don't know it's him, because I like to create the illusion of having no contact with him.  He asks to speak with one of the attorneys who's not in yet.  So I say, "I'm sorry, he's not in yet, would you like to leave a message on his voicemail?"  My logic behind this is twofold:
1.  I'm still trying to pretend I don't know it's him; and
B.  While I know he doesn't like to use voicemail to retrieve messages, I thought he might not be averse to leaving voicemail messages for others.  In other words, he's not a Catcher, but  maybe he is a Pitcher.  And, yes, I just equated using voicemail to gay sex. 
Anyroad, I ask him this, and my query is met with a Haughty Silence, followed by him saying, "This is Mr. Asshole *not his real name* and I choose not to participate."  I wanted desperately to finish his sentence with "in the 21st century.", but I didn't.  Cause my kitties need food.  And Momma needs beer.
Like right now.