I am not one for New Year's Resolutions, mainly because being resolute isn't my forte. But I do make life changing decisions from time to time. And I have recently decided to give myself more "alone time".
I used to spend a lot of time alone. I only did one play during the six years I was with Bad Steve. I spent most of my time hanging out at the apartment, waiting for him to call and watching my bank account shrink. Good times. Then around the end of 2010, I decided to become more of a Social Butterfly. This goes against my nature. I am naturally a reclusive person. In fact, in my Younger Years, one of my goals was to become an Elderly Wealthy Recluse. Thanks to Bad Steve, that middle part ain't gonna happen, but I still might make it to Elderly and I have no problem being reclusive.
I am not trying to be anti-social. It's just that due to a Series of Unfortunate Events, I have never been comfortable in social situations. I spent the first five years of my life fairly isolated from anyone other than my immediate family so when I finally encountered Real People, I was clueless what to do or say, because people seemed scary. And when I did manage to do or say something, it was invariably the wrong thing. Kindergarten was my first foray into hanging with my peers and at one point, I mentioned to my friends that I was still sleeping in a crib. I have no idea why I felt I had to impart this information, but I guess that's the kind of shit five-year-olds talked about in the 1830's. Anyroad, my classmates thought that was hysterical and endlessly poked fun at me because I was still crib-bound at the advanced age of five. You would have thought that this massive dose of humilation would have taught me to think before I speak, but I'm a slow learner. A reaaalllyyy slow learner. I still say crap that has no business jumping out of my mouth and immediately regretting it. I then crawl back into my crib.
I'm not ready to go Full-On Recluse just yet. I will still be out and about from time to time; can't totally give up my Stella on tap, but my daughter gave me a Kindle for Christmas and my son got me a beautiful set of wind chimes, so I'll be bundled up and curled up in my Comfy Chair on my porch a lot more these days.
Don't take it personally---I still love all of you, but, frankly, y'all scare the shit out of me.