Thursday, June 9, 2016

You Gotta Have Faith

You just did the other two faiths in your head,  didn't you??  Ha!  I knew it!

Anyroad, much like flipping your mattress every six months, or standing by your man, I don't think you really have to do what my title says.

Well, maybe you do, and that's cool, I'm not judging.  (Unless your faith is in murder or rape or Trump, you know, something disastrous.  Then I'm  totally Judgey MacJudgerson.)

There have been several times in my life that I have had religious faith.  Hell, in fourth grade I wanted to be a nun.  Which probably would have destroyed the Catholic Church as we know it, so maybe I should have followed through with that.  But in any case, all my forays into Religious Faithdom ended up with me doubting more and more any religious teaching whatsoever so that now I don't believe in any dogma and have two cats.  

I don't even have faith that that terrible joke worked...(it didn't, I'm sure)...but maybe that's what happens when you reduce your concept of "God" to a mythical creature like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, just not as generous.

I won't bother going into losing faith in our democratic process, or the judicial system, or beauty products, cause we all swim in that same bullshit sea, amIright?

But the loss of faith that strangely brings me the most comfort is the lack of faith in people. People REALLY suck.  While Santy didn't bring me the bike I wanted for Christmas and God didn't make Drake Tressler like me in 7th grade, the disappointment and heartbreak actual human beings have given me is what has put me in an emotional wasteland.  And I like it here.

Oh, I still cry when I watch Field of Dreams, my heart swells with love whenever I see my kids, and my friends are the best.  But 90% of my life I float along, aware of the stupidity, the meanness, the lack of compassion, and  I view it all as though I'm on a distant planet (I wish!  One-way ticket to Risa, please!).  I no longer subscribe to your religion, people.  Namaste.

It's calm here.  Bullshit still happens (have you read my posts about my job??) but it doesn't phase me.  Just a humorous anecdote to share over adult beverages.  I may not have the joys I had when I was still invested in people, but I also don't have the gut-wrenching pain, and I don't miss that at all.  I  have no expectations of life, and  therefore I am never disappointed.  

I'm sure this state I refer to as Faith Understandably Completely Knockered, (you figure it out) is probably largely due to age.  You naturally care less as you get older.  It's the creepy amusement park ride operator's way of telling you the roller coaster is slowing down, so just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Please do not read this rambling as a cry for pity or a "poor me" post.  I am in the best place I have ever been in my life.  I am proud of my accomplishments; I have weathered my tribulations (some of which are good stories, and I will write about them later); and I am still here and thriving.  Being faithless is the best thing that ever happened to me.  

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

How Did We Get to Here From There?

This morning:
Coworker:  They want to impeach our Governor.
Me: Sure, why not?
Coworker:  They should impeach our President.
I just walked away, cause I believe murder is wrong, and I didn't have my non-existent gun on me, but it really angered me.  I mean REALLY angered me.
I know I am surrounded by a bunch of knee-jerk conservatives, but I come from a long line of knee-jerk conservatives. 
In high school, I was an anti-war supporter during Vietnam.  I wore a black armband and refused to say the Pledge of Allegiance in homeroom.  My parents disapproved of my behavior, and thought the war was justified (even though it was being perpetuated by a Democrat and they were die-hard Republicans).  Their attitude irritated me and we had some heated arguments about it, but I never got really angry about it, nor did they.
Back when the Watergate Hearings were happening, my father and I had many discussions about Nixon.  In my father's eyes, RMN could do no wrong, despite the fact that before both our sets of eyes, we were watching the truth unfold.  But I never was angry at  daddy for his beliefs, even though I felt them to be wrong. 
When the Roe v. Wade decision was handed down by the Supreme Court, I don't remember a lot of  backlash.  There was no such thing, as I remember, as Pro-Life and Pro-Choice.  There were people who were totally against abortion and would never have one, but they didn't see anything wrong with women obtaining one legally under safe medical conditions, instead of in a back room with a rusty coat hanger.   
(You will notice I use the phrase "as I remember" a lot.  That's because in the early 70's  my diet consisted mainly of gin and tonics and random drugs, so I may have missed a lot of what was actually happening.  Good times.)
But my point is, in spite of the political/moral divisions I had with those closest to me,  we were all rational about our differences. 
Now every time someone disagrees with me, I feel a Hulk attack coming on. 
I am sure there are people more politically savvy then myself (which would include almost everyone except my cats) who have a logical, though long-winded, explanation for the reason there is a cloud of anger/bitterness/righteousness that hangs over our country and makes us all feel like going postal.  I probably wouldn't understand it, though, if I heard it.  Those years of gin/tonic/drugs have taken their toll.
But I do believe that all this almost palpable negativism is the cause for the rise of cute animal videos.  You have to do something to calm down so you won't kill your fellow employees.  I guess. 
The result of all this National Crankiness is that it makes me feel old.  I worked hard in my youth to stand up for what I believe is right, and we had a couple of victories.  For a while the country chugged forward with people still disagreeing, but generally just staying out of each other's way.  And now it's all gone haywire, and I find myself caught up in it.  If my coworker doesn't like Obama, that's her business and her right.  I mean, 'Murica, right?  Her random comment (inappropriate as it seems to me) about impeaching him shouldn't make me shoot red laser beams out of my eyes and reach for my phaser.  This is not me.  Has someone been spiking my PBR? 
But, hey, have you seen that YouTube of that cat in that box??  It's adorable!