Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Home Alone

I am not one for New Year's Resolutions, mainly because being resolute isn't my forte.  But I do make life changing decisions from time to time.  And I have recently decided to give myself more "alone time".

I used to spend a lot of time alone.  I only did one play during the six years I was with Bad Steve.  I spent most of my time hanging out at the apartment, waiting for him to call and watching my bank account shrink.  Good times.  Then around the end of 2010,  I decided to become more of a Social Butterfly.  This goes against my nature.  I am naturally a reclusive person.  In fact, in my Younger Years, one of my goals was to become an Elderly Wealthy Recluse.  Thanks to Bad Steve, that middle part ain't gonna happen, but I still might make it to Elderly and I have no problem being reclusive.

I am not trying to be anti-social.  It's just that due to a Series of Unfortunate Events, I have never been comfortable in social situations.  I spent the first five years of my life fairly isolated from anyone other than my immediate family so when I finally encountered Real People, I was clueless what to do or say, because people seemed scary.    And when I did manage to do or say something, it was invariably the wrong thing.  Kindergarten was my first foray into hanging with my peers and at one point, I mentioned to my friends that I was still sleeping in a crib.  I have no idea why I felt I had to impart this information, but I guess that's the kind of shit five-year-olds talked about in the 1830's.  Anyroad, my classmates thought that was hysterical and endlessly poked fun at me because I was still crib-bound at the advanced age of five.  You would have thought that this massive dose of humilation would have taught me to think before I speak, but I'm a slow learner. A reaaalllyyy slow learner.  I still say crap that has no business jumping out of my mouth and immediately regretting it.  I then crawl back into my crib. 

I'm not ready to go Full-On Recluse just yet.  I will still be out and about from time to time; can't totally give up my Stella on tap, but my daughter gave me a Kindle for Christmas and my son got me a beautiful set of wind chimes, so I'll be bundled up and curled up in my Comfy Chair on my porch a lot more these days. 

Don't take it personally---I still love all of you, but, frankly, y'all scare the shit out of me.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Seasonless Greetings

Hey everybody!  Long time, no read, I know, but shit happens and I'm back.

Given the Season upon us, I should be writing holiday musings, but I hate this time of year with an irrational passion, so I'll spare you the suicide-inducing rant and talk about theatre.


Anyroad, I am currently rehearsing a role that practically defies description.  "Practically" in the sense that I can tell you I play a 72 year-old whore with a hare lip, one eye and a limp, but I really don't think that simplistic description does Princess justice.  I don't think anyone or anything has ever done poor Princess justice, but, again, shit happens.  It's a boatload of fun, in any case, and I'm having a ball.

Next month, I start rehearsing as Polonius in Hamlet.  I have been trying to think of a civilian comparison as to how these two roles differ.   It's kind of like if you have two dates in a row, and the first is with Howard Stern and the next is with Maya Angelou.  Nah, that doesn't sound right.  How about: you're going clothes shopping and first you buy a lacy bustier and then you buy a police uniform.   Still doesn't feel right.  Anyroad, it's one of the things I love about acting--that you get to portray such a wide variety of experiences, many of which you'd never actually like to do in real life (i.e. I would not enjoy having a hare lip and one eye [I'm guessing]).  It is an incredible challenge as an actor, and it keeps the whole process fresh, which is unusual in any profession.  I think that's why actors leave a long-running TV series, because they want to experience that challenge again.  Also, at that point they have more money than God and they can do whateverthehell they want to.  Us poor community-theatre-have-to-work-a-crap-job-to-survive types don't have that luxury, but we still salivate at the idea of playing a complex character nothing like ourselves.  And Princess and Polonius are definitely not two P's in a pod. 

So, Merry Chrismahanakakwanza to me.  The rest of you can have your Santa and reindeer the endless caterwauling of Christmas music, but I'll sit back and polish my eyepatch and take each man's censure but reserve my judgment.