Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Home Alone

I am not one for New Year's Resolutions, mainly because being resolute isn't my forte.  But I do make life changing decisions from time to time.  And I have recently decided to give myself more "alone time".

I used to spend a lot of time alone.  I only did one play during the six years I was with Bad Steve.  I spent most of my time hanging out at the apartment, waiting for him to call and watching my bank account shrink.  Good times.  Then around the end of 2010,  I decided to become more of a Social Butterfly.  This goes against my nature.  I am naturally a reclusive person.  In fact, in my Younger Years, one of my goals was to become an Elderly Wealthy Recluse.  Thanks to Bad Steve, that middle part ain't gonna happen, but I still might make it to Elderly and I have no problem being reclusive.

I am not trying to be anti-social.  It's just that due to a Series of Unfortunate Events, I have never been comfortable in social situations.  I spent the first five years of my life fairly isolated from anyone other than my immediate family so when I finally encountered Real People, I was clueless what to do or say, because people seemed scary.    And when I did manage to do or say something, it was invariably the wrong thing.  Kindergarten was my first foray into hanging with my peers and at one point, I mentioned to my friends that I was still sleeping in a crib.  I have no idea why I felt I had to impart this information, but I guess that's the kind of shit five-year-olds talked about in the 1830's.  Anyroad, my classmates thought that was hysterical and endlessly poked fun at me because I was still crib-bound at the advanced age of five.  You would have thought that this massive dose of humilation would have taught me to think before I speak, but I'm a slow learner. A reaaalllyyy slow learner.  I still say crap that has no business jumping out of my mouth and immediately regretting it.  I then crawl back into my crib. 

I'm not ready to go Full-On Recluse just yet.  I will still be out and about from time to time; can't totally give up my Stella on tap, but my daughter gave me a Kindle for Christmas and my son got me a beautiful set of wind chimes, so I'll be bundled up and curled up in my Comfy Chair on my porch a lot more these days. 

Don't take it personally---I still love all of you, but, frankly, y'all scare the shit out of me.

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