You Gotta Have Faith

You just did the other two faiths in your head,  didn't you??  Ha!  I knew it!

Anyroad, much like flipping your mattress every six months, or standing by your man, I don't think you really have to do what my title says.

Well, maybe you do, and that's cool, I'm not judging.  (Unless your faith is in murder or rape or Trump, you know, something disastrous.  Then I'm  totally Judgey MacJudgerson.)

There have been several times in my life that I have had religious faith.  Hell, in fourth grade I wanted to be a nun.  Which probably would have destroyed the Catholic Church as we know it, so maybe I should have followed through with that.  But in any case, all my forays into Religious Faithdom ended up with me doubting more and more any religious teaching whatsoever so that now I don't believe in any dogma and have two cats.  

I don't even have faith that that terrible joke worked...(it didn't, I'm sure)...but maybe that's what happens when you reduce your concept of "God" to a mythical creature like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, just not as generous.

I won't bother going into losing faith in our democratic process, or the judicial system, or beauty products, cause we all swim in that same bullshit sea, amIright?

But the loss of faith that strangely brings me the most comfort is the lack of faith in people. People REALLY suck.  While Santy didn't bring me the bike I wanted for Christmas and God didn't make Drake Tressler like me in 7th grade, the disappointment and heartbreak actual human beings have given me is what has put me in an emotional wasteland.  And I like it here.

Oh, I still cry when I watch Field of Dreams, my heart swells with love whenever I see my kids, and my friends are the best.  But 90% of my life I float along, aware of the stupidity, the meanness, the lack of compassion, and  I view it all as though I'm on a distant planet (I wish!  One-way ticket to Risa, please!).  I no longer subscribe to your religion, people.  Namaste.

It's calm here.  Bullshit still happens (have you read my posts about my job??) but it doesn't phase me.  Just a humorous anecdote to share over adult beverages.  I may not have the joys I had when I was still invested in people, but I also don't have the gut-wrenching pain, and I don't miss that at all.  I  have no expectations of life, and  therefore I am never disappointed.  

I'm sure this state I refer to as Faith Understandably Completely Knockered, (you figure it out) is probably largely due to age.  You naturally care less as you get older.  It's the creepy amusement park ride operator's way of telling you the roller coaster is slowing down, so just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Please do not read this rambling as a cry for pity or a "poor me" post.  I am in the best place I have ever been in my life.  I am proud of my accomplishments; I have weathered my tribulations (some of which are good stories, and I will write about them later); and I am still here and thriving.  Being faithless is the best thing that ever happened to me.