Thursday, April 26, 2012

I'm Back

Hey, pals.  Long time no blog.  But, like a bad penny, I've turned up again.  (What makes a penny bad?  Why do they turn up more than good pennies?  Discuss.)

After my show closes next week, I will be on a "break".   (That's a Theatre Term for not getting cast.) Since I have been in rehearsal/production since November, I guess I'm due, but I can't say I'm looking forward to it.  (I mean, I can, I'm physically able to say that, but, oh, never mind….This is what happens when I haven't blogged in a while.  L  I'm sure I'll get back in the swing of things in a paragraph or two.  Please bear with me.)

Anyroad, I will then have oodles of downtime and I'm not very good with downtime, because I tend to let it get me down.  I can never quite stamp out the feeling that I'll never get cast again, which leads me to doubt my acting ability, which leads me to doubt my self-worth, which leads to some long, lonely evenings.  But, the depressedness (Is that a word?  It is now.)  of that last sentence aside, I am basically an optimistic person.  Usually about other people's lives, not my own, but, I've become cautiously optimistic about my own life of late.

It feels weird.

In spite of all the crap I've been through in the last ten years (not to mention the 50 before that), some really good things have come out of the last decade:

1.         I re-discovered my love of theatre. 
2.         I made some wonderful friends.
3.         I learned that giving all your money away to guy who says he loves you but doesn't is not a good idea.
4.         I learned I'm okay on my own.
5.         I learned that no matter what kind of fuckedupshit gets thrown at me, I am a helluva strong woman with an amazing sense of humor and that will get me through anything.

That last one is kind of a biggie.  And, admittedly, there are days I struggle with that concept,  
but fewer than there used to be. 

So I will survive my break.  And, at some point, someone will cast me in something. Maybe.  I hope.  Sure they will, sure they will. . . . .

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