Friday, August 23, 2013

Chapter Three-in which Doris gets her oats

At the risk of sounding like an old fart, I have noticed an upsurge in media reports of young people randomly torturing animals or even killing another human being because they're bored.  That was the excuse they gave when arrested, "Bored".
Now, even though I have a black belt in being naive, I have no doubt that this kind of behavior has been going on for centuries.  There will always be, sadly, people (young and old) that are mean, sadistic and prone to violence and suffer no remorse after their crime.  I have dated a few, so I know whereof I speak.  But in this case, I am struck by the fact that in two,  unrelated cases of violence, the perpetrators used the excuse (??) of being bored. 
I know bored.  I do bored for a living.  I spend 40 hours a week doing NOTHING.  I get paid for being bored.  I'm not complaining.  There are many advantages. I'm lucky to have a job.  Blah, blah, blah.  But even at the height of my boredom (which usually occurs at 2:45 on Friday afternoon) it has never, ever crossed my mind to torture kittens or kill an Australian baseball player.  So for the assholes who did those things this week to think it's okay to excuse their actions by pleading boredom heightens my anger with the human race. And THAT is actually my topic for today.  Sorry for the Intro Rant.
I don't really care for people.  In general, I mean.  I have the best friends in the universe, and the most amazing children on the planet and I love all of those people so much sometimes it hurts.  But the rest of the human race....meh.
I don't like parties.  Being surrounded by a lot of people makes me nervous.  I can guarandamntee you that I will do something stupid if I'm with a group of people I don't know.  Actually, I can guarandamntee I will do something stupid with a group of people I do know, but they're used to it and will either just pick me up, or pretend they didn't hear me,or apologize to the people at the table next to us,  or drive me home and act like it never happened.  That's the Dionne Warwick Code, and that's how we roll. 
I realize the General Public isn't running around immolating kittens and slaughtering Aussies, but the truth is people annoy me.  People should be running around laughing and singing and hugging random strangers (in an appropriate manner, please) and creating unicorns and rainbows and free beer.  But they aren't.  They're too busy being "human".  Pfft.  Whatever.  Everyone should be more like me, cause I....oh, wait.  I guess I'm not actually doing any of those things either.  I'm bitching about how I don't like people.  Which kinda ends up making me be like all those people I don't like.  Oops.  I am experiencing a George Bush "Mission Accomplished" Moment.  Let me pause.
Okay.  Sorry.  Please ignore the last three paragraphs, obviously I didn't think things through, but at least I have a good excuse.   I was bored.

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