Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Let's Get Tall!

I’ve lost some weight recently, which I’m not complaining about, it suits me. (Although I am still softig, mit hips.)   But that necessitates buying new pants for work.

I hate buying pants.

Undaunted, I screwed my courage to the sticking place, and toddled out to my local Ross’ after work yesterday,  because Ross has a petite section.

Used to.  Not anymore.  The sign above the clothes says “Petite” but when I held the pants up to me there was approximately 7 yards of fabric trailing on the ground. 

However, their “Woman’s” section has grown.  (How appropriate.)

For you 1 or 2 straight guys who might actually read this, the “Woman’s” in retail means you are fat.  “Petite” means you are a pygmy.

I have always been short.  (That’s a stupid sentence, but funny enough that I’ll allow it, giving myself minus two points for stupidity.)  When I was extremely young, (and adorable) my grandfather called me Lilliput, which is Welsh for “tiny”. 

I am now verging on extremely old, no longer adorable (*sigh*) and people call me various endearing terms which usually end in motherfucker.  But I still need to wear pants.

Does the retail industry believe that short women have stopped buying pants?  Or wearing pants? Or that they have all suddenly grown 4 inches?  Or developed an insatiable desire to spend all their free time hemming pants?  I have hemmed an innumerable number of pants in my time, but they never look right.  Here is a prime example of my sewing skills:  When I was newly married, my husband asked me to hem a pair of pants for him.  I labored over the process, taking several days, only to hold up the finished product to discover I had sewn each pant leg shut.  He soon found a tailor.

Anyroad, yesterday I ended up buying a couple of dresses and a skirt, which are way hotter than any pants (especially if one is zoftig, mit hips).  But that’s beside the point. The point being that I have the Constitutional Right to Not Bare Legs and Be Able to Buy Pants That Fit. Because, much like Stupid Politicians and Adorable Children, short women will always exist.  And need pants. Which, evidently these days, are optional for politicians.

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