Wednesday, August 1, 2012

A Totally Made-Up Story, That Never, Never Happened

The following entry is completely hypothetical and is in no way related to anything that happened at anyone's workplace this morning. 

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Beddie, who worked at an Extremely Conservative office.  There were many bosses at this office, some nice, some notso, but everyone agreed that there was one head honcho who was a Super Offal Boss (SOB).  Nobody liked this guy, including Beddie, and everyone tried to avoid him when at all possible. 

At a random time in history, having nothing to do with today's current events,  the SOB sent out an email saying that posting anything on the bulletin board about Chick-Fil-A was inappropriate and forbidden.  Now, Beddie hadn't seen this partcular posting; indeed, she made a point of never looking at the bulletin board, because she was new to this job and extremely paranoid about outing herself as a Real Person.  She answered the phone and signed for packages and validated parking and peed the three times a day when she was allowed to, all with a  face that she kept in a jar by the door.  Because at her last job, she had let a bit of her humanity show and was told to leave.  So, Beddie just assumed the Forbidden Notice had been posted by some Closet Liberal (or *gasp* someone who is not of the heterosexual persuasion) and the SOB took offense. 

But in a bizarre twist of irony that life often throws at us, like Strom Thurmond having a bi-racial child or Charlie Sheen getting another sitcom, it  turns out the SOB's son is gay.  Someone put up something pro-CFA and anti-gay and he was offended, thereby bizarrely exhibiting Human Behavior.

I guess the moral of the story is that there are Super Asshole Pro-Gay people and Super Asshole Anti-Gay people and who fucks who is really nobody's goddamn business, and we should all be able to afford to go to a doctor if we need to, whether you're married to anyone or not, or eat fried chicken or carry a gun or actually like Charlie Sheen.  (In fact, if you actually do like Charlie Sheen, I strongly suggest you make an appointment with a psychiatrist as soon as possible.)

Beddie was then asked to consider joining the Office Bible Study which starts in the fall.  She will be declining the offer.  Unless, of course, they're serving Chick-Fil-A.


  1. Coming to Wednesday nights this fall... Gay Chickens for Jesus. "Eat Mor Bull****"

  2. Could be my most favorite post of yours of all time. :)