Late Night Ramblings

I had an audition earlier this week and I am waiting to hear if I got cast.  This is difficult.   And it occurred to me that it belongs in a long list of things that are difficult for me. (Note:  I originally used the word “hard” rather than “difficult” but, if you know me, you’ll understand why that became problematical so I changed it to “difficult”.)   I decided to make a list of things that are har-I mean difficult.  I’m guessing some of you out there (you are out there, right??) will identify with one or two.

1. Waiting to see if you have been cast in a show.  I mean, right?? Does time ever move slower??  I remember when I auditioned for my first show in Birmingham, after not doing theatre for 26 (!) years and wanting the role more than anything. It took THREE WEEKS before they finally called me to say I got the part.  Heart Attack City.

2. Not saying something funny if you know it won’t be nice.  Yeah.  I’m not so good at this one, but I keep trying.  I have this genetic condition that if there’s a joke out there I have to make it or I’ll implode or something, but I’m working on it.

3. Not having that last beer when you know you shouldn’t.  This is hit or miss with me.  It usually depends on the people I’m with and how much I can trust they’ll still like me the next day.  I'm lucky to have some incredibly understanding friends.

4. Not buying something I REALLY like, even though I know I can’t afford it.  Okay.  There is this pair of AWESOME blue suede shoes at SteinMart that I absolutely adore, but they’re $40 and I really don’t need them.  I try them on every week, but so far, I haven’t bought them.  We’ll see how that goes.

5,   Actually working while I’m at work.   I don’t think I have to explain that one.

6.   Not getting a dog.    I can’t afford it.  I’m not home enough.  I live in an apartment, with no yard. But I’m lonely.  And I could use some affection, canine or otherwise.   

7. Saying no.  I cannot tell you how many times this has gotten me in trouble.  Most notably with ex-boyfriend Bad Steve, who took all my money. Talk about learning your lesson the hard way. L

8. Cleaning my apartment.  I am not a hoarder.  But I do have an impressive Dust Bunny Collection.  I’ll clean the place this weekend, I promise.

9. Sleeping.  Which is what I should be doing right now. 

10. Letting go of someone you love. Whether it’s the loss of a pet, divorce, sending your kid off to college or having someone you love pass, I think this is the most difficult thing of all.  And here’s a tip from an Oldster—it never gets any easier, no matter what the circumstances. There is a reason for that--it’s The Most Important Thing.  Because this is the one Difficult Thing that makes you realize how precious the good times are, so you shouldn't fuck them up.

That's why I'm off to Steinmart on Saturday to try on those beautiful blue suede shoes.