Friday, September 2, 2011

Must Not-See TV

For as long as I can remember, I have been in love with TV.  I would get giddy at the start of the new fall season and tediously map out my viewing plan; editing as the season progressed (and I discovered that most of the shows I watched sucked.)   That never deterred me from going through the same ritual every year; essentially renewing my vows.

But then a weird thing happened.

In January, I started doing a whol' mess (as the young folk say) of shows and found myself rehearsing/performing/partying almost every night, up until the end of August.  And I just wasn't home/sober/conscious enough to watch TV.   I fell out of love. TV is crap.  Go know.

In scripted shows, plotlines and characters seem hackneyed and nine times out of ten I can predict the next line.  Which makes a great Drinking Game (what doesn't?), but kills the drama I want in a story.  And reality TV just makes me embarrassed to be a part of the Human Race.  I'm thinking of not renewing my membership. 

Part of this could be my Advancing Age and the fact that I now have the attention span of a flea.  When the rest of the audience of  "Up" was boo-hooing over Carl's dead wife, I was sobbing uncontrollably as the dog said, "Squirrel!", because that is my life.  I would sit down to watch what used to be one of my favorite shows and after about 10 minutes I discover there's a beautiful sunset view from my porch and I'm there.   I can't even remember what I was watching.  Squirrel, indeed.

About a month ago, I cut back on my cable, so my U-verse bill would no longer be bigger than my car payment.  They never sent me a list of what was on my New Limited Viewing package, so I flipped through all 20-something channels to see what potpourri I had received.  I get the major networks, 17 home shopping channels, a couple Jesus Stations of the Cross and The Barbie Channel.  The Barbie Channel.  A fucking 40 year-old plastic bitch with no nipples gets her own TV channel, while I sweat auditions for community theatre.  There is a serious misalignment in the universe.

TV and I are through.  I guess if it calls and wants to get together for a drink now and then, I'd go, (as long as there's some Rescue Me involved) but I have moved on and am optimistic that---SUNSET!!!

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