Tuesday, October 18, 2011

After the Fall

That's an Arthur Miller play about Marilyn Monroe.  Not one of his best, but it is Arthur Miller.  And irrelevant to the rest of this post.

I am ambivalent towards autumn.  Summer I like, winter I hate,  spring I love, but I can't make up my mind about fall (hence the ambivalency).  On the one hand, since summer in Alabama is 14 months long, by the time autumn finally gets here I'm really sick of my summer clothes and ready for a change.  But long sleeves annoy me because I have uber-short arms and long sleeves are always too long.  Plus, I have to start wearing coats/jackets and I hate coats/jackets, not to mention the fact that I invariably leave them wherever I go, necessitating the purchase of more coats/jackets, which I hate.  (It's the Circle of Life.)  But sartorial crises aside, while I love the dramatic skies and changing leaves, I always experience a feeling of unease in fall--like something really bad is about to happen.  Part of this feeling I base on the fact that during both my pregnancies I had morning sickness all autumn.   Back then the feeling that something bad was about to happen usually ended in me throwing up.  (On a side note, I was pregnant in the falls of 82 and 84, when John Cougar Mellancamp's songs "Hurts So Good" and "Jack and Diane" came out.  I get nauseous whenever I hear them; not because I don't like them, I do, but because when I heard them originally I was always queasy.  Pavlov's Deb.) So there's that.  And I associate autumn with going back to school, which so terrified me every year that I couldn't eat during the whole month of August, worrying about it.  So there's that. And my brother-in-law was killed in October, so there's that.  And there's that S.A.D. thing, so there's that.  I guess the wonder is that I like it at all.  But part of me does.  It appeals to my dramatic nature and there are two names for it, which makes it "special".  It usually smells pretty good.   And I love sitting around a roaring fireplace, just talking with my significant other.  I never do this, you understand, not having a fireplace and/or S.O., but if I had either/both of those things I would love that. Adults need to spend more time being cozy.  It's good for your soul.  And fall is the best season for cozy.  In a queasy, uneasy, I-just-know-something-terrible-is-going-to-happen-any-minute kind of way.

Also, I would like to apologize for putting "Jack and Diane" in everybody's head.  Anyone have any Pepto?

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