Saturday, May 14, 2011

Put Up Your Nukes

I tend to anthropomorphize stuff  (I swear that's spelled right, I used spellchecker).  It makes life seem more like a kid's book and, as we all remember from one of our previous lessons, I don't care for reality.  Kid's books are usually much more fun.  (Except that one about pooping.  Potty training was not my favorite part of child rearing.)

Well, in my kitchen, the coffee maker and the microwave share one plug.  And lately, I've been using the coffee maker a lot more than the microwave.  So now the microwave is copping an attitude.  First the "zero" stopped working.  Fine. I can add a second or two on and never miss a particle of radiation.  But today the "start" button refused to work.  "Oh, yeah, you want to defrost this bacon, egg and cheese biscuit, bitch?  Well, Sharp Carousel ain't gonna let ya.  Suck my plug."

I am not apologizing to the microwave.  The Bad Boyfriend used to accuse me of apologizing to everybody for everything ("Here, Steve, take all my money.  I'm sorry."), but I have learned my lesson.  I will not apologize for the  increased-intake-of-caffeine-and-sort-of-never-eating-anymore phase I'm going though.  It will pass and I will once again become a decaffeinated pig.  But I expect my household appliances to have the same patience with me that I have with them.  (Except vacuum cleaners, that's an Israeli-Palestinian issue there.)

So, bring it, Mr. Carousel.  Not only do I have opposable thumbs and a possible window in my 2014 budget to buy a new microwave, but I remember how to use a stove.

Hey!  Whachyou lookin' at, hair dryer???

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